Pick Something You’ve Learned To Love Sober
Why I Started Journalling
My two previous attempts at recovery/remission of my alcoholism, obviously, didn’t work. I wouldn’t be back so soon if they did.
I thought I was really working this program, but this third time I’ve realized that I wasn’t really. I was going to group sessions, even getting out of my comfort zone and participating in some of the discissions and topics. But I’ve noticed and feel like I was just going through the motions.
This time feels different, and I think a lot of that is writing these journal entries. I’m still working on recognizing my excuses to drink, to not speaking up and actually dealing with my uneasiness dealing with my lack of self-esteem.
But one big excuse for my drinking is my brain doesn’t want to slow down. By default it’s like all my thoughts being stuck on a hamster wheel. I think and doubt, question and doubt and it just seems like an exausting and never ending cycle.
By writing these entries down has helped to organize my thoughts and emotions and be able to take a break from the hamster wheel a lot more than the alcohol did and it’s way healthier.
Along with the journalling, I’ve also kept my group notes, hand-outs and worksheets organized so I can reference them and remember the good and hard times in the future. My first time here I kept all the material and limited group notes but they just sit in a random pile on my printer at home – and I didn’t keep a journal.
I’ve even shared a few of my entries when we have had our peer-led, internal, AA meetings. Not just trying to share on the fly has helped with my social anxiety and not ramble on which just causes more anxiety and makes me feel stupid and embarrassed.
I’m so glad about organizing my thoughts and papers and it feels good to get things out. A lot of stress, doubt and worry has been reduced by doing this.