There are many types and reasons for fear. Phobias, loneliness, self-preservation, danger, etc. While I think there are common threads to the different reasons for being fearful – we act and/or react differently to each one.
A phobia, usually an irrational fear (like me and spiders), can result in the fight, flight or freeze response. Do I just try and ignore the spider? Do I screech in terror? Do I steel my nerves and kill it? Do I just freeze up? Do I do all of the above? If I do any or all of the above does it still get away and I fail?
How about danger? It could be physical or even mental dangers. What if it isn’t you but someone else who’s in danger? It’s a totally different type of fear but one’s options are essentially the same as the phobia: fight, flight or freeze.
The fear of being alone can cause the same options as the first two examples, but can add some more. Let’s say mental abuse one “accepts” to not be alone, but still the underlining cause/reason is still fear.
Living a lie could also be, for me, denying that I’m gay. Unfortunately the fear of abandonment of my family. I understand they disagree with the life style that I’ve chosen, but I’m not throwing it in their face. They have no hesitation throwing their disapproval in my face and judging me. At least that’s how it feels sometimes.
Making a bad decision, or even a wrong one, can also be underlined by the fear of consequences or even making a choice that others don’t want or like, but they don’t want to. This can also lead to the fear one’s choice is out of guilt or even pity.
How many people are anxious, almost debilitating, like me at public speaking. How many addict recovery groups want you to share your story? How detailed will/can you be if/when you do share? When does it just get boring for the others “forced” to listen? Is my story worse than yours? Better? More interesting? Just a cliche? Then again, does it really matter? Who is engaged or just nodding in agreement or fake acknowledgement?
Then we can explore the realm of fear around being sober itself. When I think about never having a drink again I get so scared and anxious that sometimes I get a full-blown panic attack. I spent the past 26 years relying on alcohol to hide my fear, worries, doubts, anxiety, etc. that the thought of dealing with life without it terrifies me.
However, now isn’t the time to back out. People deal with life without drugs everyday. I guess the question becomes so real that anxiety and fear want to take control. For me, I have to constantly remember my life is unique, but my struggles aren’t. Remembering that I’m not alone and alcohol is just a cover and a liar.
Alcohol just covers the fears, it doesn’t cure or take it away. And in covering up the fears all it does is let it grow and fester underneath. The lies alcohol tells me get stronger and my life becomes more and more unmanageable. As an alcoholic, the more I give into my fears the more power I give up and the more control I give to the fears and lies alcohol tells me and the more I believe them.
I have to stop the seemingly endless cycle. It’s time to face my fears and stand, first and foremost for myself but for my life and those I love and care about. It’s long past due for me to stand.