I’ve never been a part of the “cool kids” club. So being a bit on the outskirts of the social groups isn’t anything new to me. There’s a lot of diversity with the current fellow addicts here in recovery. I don’t feel shunned or purposefully left out or anything like that. I’ve had some great talks with several of them in fact. I’ve been invited to join some of the card/table-top games and had fun playing.
However, I have to admit that a lot of the time I do feel like an outsider. So many of the conversations are focused on interactions with the police, courts, rival groups, fights… dick swinging and comparison type stuff. A lot of the time they seem to be bragging about it and/or showing off.
Besides the laughing about jail and/or prison time – I just can’t relate or add to the conversations. I’ve not been arrested or incarcerated before. I’ve not had the dangerous/bloody group turf wars. I’ve not had to use a gun on another person nor have I been shot. Why are they bragging and comparing who’s experience was more drastic or intense than anyone else’s?
So, where we all share something in common, we’re all addicts and come together no matter age, ethnicity, faith (or lack thereof), sexual preference, etc. there’s a real disconnect for someone like me. All the talk and comparisons to the types of drugs used and how much and what combos and how it got in their system… I just can’t relate/fit in.