As an addict in recovery I often ponder this question. To me the word hope means something like a wish, something possible but might not be attainable, but it’s really just a desire. I choose to accept the later definition because I do have a desire to quit drinking. One reason being for my health and also for those I love and care about.
I choose the title “in front” because I need that hope for the future. After all, I can’t have hope behind me until/unless we develop time travel. There’s also the saying, “I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I hope it’s not a train.” But that’s what my addiction feels like sometimes.
I get over the initial withdrawal symptoms, feel like I’m making progress, moving forward in sobriety and that evil little voice in my head gets louder and louder until I just give in. After all, one glass of wine with dinner can’t hurt, right? But as an alcoholic, it doesn’t stop at just one. Or even worse, it does stop at one and I think, “See, I got this.” That overconfidence has always led me down to being an active drunk – even if it takes a month or two. The manipulative power of this, literally, brain changing disease is so devious and manipulative it seems to enjoy toying with me.
Which brings me back to the original question, is there hope? I believe there is. The desire and wish to bring this disease into remission still exists and only gets stronger as it fights back, desperately clinging to life. There’s a saying I’ve heard in NA (narcotics anonymous), “One drink is too many and 1,000 is never enough.” I’m starting to really understand and agree.