I have a choice in everything I do. They all carry consequences, some good, some bad and some neutral. Some examples are extreme, like letting a rat die or a person. I’d choose to save the person and if asked the question why, I’d easily answer, “I had no choice.”
The reality is I did have a choice. I had a decision to make. In the same way I do have a choice not to drink, but it’s not so cut and dry as the rat vs. human life example.
My brain, as an alcoholic, tells the rest of my body that something required to survive is missing. Drugs (including alcohol since it’s a drug) bring it to an extreme level, but it’s similar for coffee drinkers, smokers, adriline junkies and gym rats. We all have one thing in common, withdrawals we don’t get our own type of fix. These can be very painful and in-and-of themselves can override choice, or at least rational choice.
Did I lie, intentionally, when I told my ex-wife I’d only drink a set amount of wine and only on Fridays and Saturdays? Technically, yes, but it wasn’t intentional. I truly meant it when I said it but my addict brain trumped my desire to honor and respect my wife and my word.
It’s really easy for a non-addict to think the addict can just choose to say no, but the non-addict brain is wired differently than the addicts’. Yes, this can be an excuse, but as a reason gives some basis for the difficulty in the “Just say no.” argument.
The other problem I see to this question is access to the chemical. For example, a child doesn’t have access to the cookie jar. Mom and/or dad keeps it out of reach and says the kid can’t have a cookie until after dinner. Done deal. However, the addict has access to or can find a source for the drug of choice. This is especially true for legal drugs like alcohol. This isn’t to justify or excuse the addictive behavior. This is just me contemplating an answer to my own question.
With strong and solid supports and the desire, I know I can bring my alcoholism into remission and put my life together again. So, I have to conclude the answer to my own question is that left to its own devices, my addiction is stronger than choice. But with my supports, some willpower and self-control I can make the right choice stronger and restrain my addict brain to say a ‘simple’ word like, “no.”